Tuesday, 31 March 2009
On the weekend I made up a little book to sell at a fair I was going to.
It contains 1 (one) story.
It is not very long.
If you are interested in seeing it I would happily send you one.
You should email me.
It has a colourful cover.
If you live in the UK I will send you it for nothing.
(If you live outside the UK we should sort something out for shipping yeah)
I did not make many of them.
I always have stuff to post.
If anyone ever wants something then they can send me their address and I will send them something.
Work pays for the postage.
Sunday, 29 March 2009
Friday, 27 March 2009
Wednesday, 25 March 2009
i have a thing i want to show you
it is called BEING AND TIM
and it is a cartoon
it is made by Rebecca Dyer
(who is a friend in Brighton)
and it is all philosophical and shit
have a look on this myspace page (for some reason)
someone found my blog by searching
"lesley joseph legs photos"
i though that was weird
Tuesday, 24 March 2009
DJ put out some much appreciated kudos for Chick Magnet on his blog. That was real nice of him, and it means that I will have to be less lazy about it. If you don't already read DJ's blog, why is that? It is rad. I like it. He seems to be worried about PANGUR BAN PARTY. He probably shouldn't be so worried. It will all work out in the end. I think now that I will be writing something for PBP and it will be one of the greatest things ever.
on PANGUR BAN PARTY right now there is a poetry series by Kristen Shaw. It is called 'We Are Only Bodies' and it is good. It makes me feel scared but also warm. I don't know what I am talking about.
My friend Line & A Dot has been doing a stupid cartoon probably when she should be working and helping people.
I watched the film JCVD on the weekend and it was kind of weird to not see Jean Claude Van Damme kicking people in the head for 90 minutes. Ben Mirov had a look back at some of Jean Claude's finer moments.
There is a nice video on Noo Journal of Chelsea Martin doing a poem at the request of Colin Bassett. It is part of the Rad Poetry fundraiser they are doing which seems like a fun idea and possibly something worth investigating.
'Hopefully' Bureau De Books will be doing a stall at the Bicycle Basket Bazaar in The Fishmarket Arts Centre in Northampton this saturday. We will be selling copies of 'IT IS NOT POSSIBLE TO MAKE A MISTAKE' and perhaps some other things. I intend on writing prose/poetry to order during the day. If you are any where near Northampton then you should consider coming because it is always good fun and you should say hello to me because it would make me feel better about myself.
I am looking for fun things to do. If anyone has a project they would like me to work on then they should email me chriseast83[AT]gmail.
Friday, 20 March 2009
When I die I want you to spend all of my savings, and a bunch of yours, on the biggest and dumbest looking memorial you can find. Like, pay some old guy thousands to carve some statue of me pointing towards the sky, standing with one foot resting on the back of polar bear that I just wrestled and killed. Oh, and in big solid gold letters around the base of the whole thing put the words fuck you poor people, this monument costs twice as much as that operation your kid needs.
Wednesday, 18 March 2009
matthew sovoca - has an ebook - called TOUGH! - it is really great
i made a new blog - it is called photos of old people enjoying themselves - it ranges from fun to disturbing - sometimes old people are mean and depressing - when they are having fun they seem so much nicer - anyone can contribute - leave a comment on there and i will invite you
Monday, 16 March 2009
fyi :: CRISPIN BEST!
this is Ewan / Megacat. He is looking at a box of books called 'It is not possible to make a mistake'
Last friday BBC Radio Northampton broadcast a pretty shakey interview with myself and Cath about "that book" and also about Bureau De Books. If you, for someone reason, I don't know what reason, maybe yr mentally ill, or you get off on hearing the sound of two giggling morons try try trying to string a sentence together, then you can download a podcast from the Weekender website.
God. I wish I had something better to write about on here. I feel like such a whore. Maybe if people went and bought some more copies of "that book" then I would be able to stop going on about it.
Here is something I posted last week and then took down, I am feeling that
I would quite like to put it back up now, and now I am saying that it is a
poem. I think I am allowed to do that.
HR can die
This morning I found out that I failed in an interview for a job I have been doing for the past 12 months
People and their excuses are so false
I feel like doing something grand in retalliation
But I know that instead I will probably just email friends and bitch about things some more
I feel like nothing right now
I feel like I have been punched in the stomach by someone in HR
And that person just said something about "specific examples"
And I said "you're joking right?"
She didn't like that, but I don't really give a shit
And I'll be making this all clear when I go to work tomorrow.
Friday, 13 March 2009
If anyone would like a copy 'for review pursposes' and can guarantee that they will review it positively, and thus sell at least a further 5 copies, then I will send them one for free. If you are simply looking for a free copy, and can easily afford £2, then I will insist you buy one instead.
Email me: email@example.com
Today I saw two really unattractive redhead twins pushing pushchairs with babies in
Today I drank tea in a cafe I have never been in before whilst drawing pictures and reading Soviet Short Stories
Today I met up with my brother and found out he is soon starting training to become a pro wrestler (this makes me happy and proud, true)
Today I am listening to The Balky Mule and Lil Wayne on repeat
Today I am working on part 5 of my 'novel' which is called Chick Magnet
email me ok
and this is a video what i made ages ago, thought I'd post it here as it is pre-blog
Tuesday, 10 March 2009
I woke up today with black ink all over my hands. I have spent so much time printing the first book from Bureau De Books that I am sick of the swooshing and whirrrring the printer is making. It is running right now.
Actually. I don't mind. I think that we have made something pretty good and I am really proud of everyone who contributed and also excited because I know there are loads of great people and friends out there who did not get the chance to be involved this time round and I can not wait to start thinking about the next project. There are a few 'ideas' floating around maybe.
I have been trading emails with some people and will soon have a few more stories published but you'll know more about that when I am ready to let you know.
Yesterday I went to Nero coffee shop in Northampton and bought a cup of tea. It was like £1.50 and I thought that was expensive but then I was reminded that in Paris I paid more than £4 for tea and £35 for 3 cocktails. Does that mean Northampton is better than Paris? Or does it mean that the people of Northampton are poorer than the people of Paris? I then went to eat Chinese food and watch my housemate buy walking boots. Then I came home to do more printing.
When I was in Brighton last week my friends in The Bobby McGees and I made some music and I read some stories over the top and recorded this and they came out 'quite nice'. If you'd like you could listen to one now (it is the audio version of this story here)
AUDIO :: 80's Love Songs
I also started a new project here which you could decide to follow. But, y'know, whatever.
Sunday, 8 March 2009
If anyone is uncertain exactly who Leslie Joseph is then please feel free to email me [firstname.lastname@example.org] and I'll straighten it out for you.
Leslie Joseph is a monster.
Leslie Joseph sits in her castle.
The castle rests amongst the rocks of a great mountain. It is made of ice, the castle. Grey ice bricks are stacked high to make walls which are translucent and show off the flames glowing inside. Leslie Joseph is inside eating a pile of skin pulled from the carcasses of slaughtered beasts, beasts that dare venture too close to this ice castle.
Leslie Joseph is alone inside the ice castle eating skin when she thinks to herself thoughts about how to become more powerful as a monster and a public figure. The thoughts are stupid and sad.
'Be mean, always'. Check.
'Have a bizarrely sexual outer layer which hides a wizened skeletal underside'. Check.
'Wear many layers of eye make-up'. Definitely.
This exercise makes Leslie Joseph tired and sad. Thinking about herself as a public figure is comforting but also confusing. It is confusing to make attempts to both upset and entice prey at the same time.
She wants beasts to come close to her and her castle, she wants to appear attractive to them. She wants for them to be terrified. She wants for them to be numbed by terror and walk blindly forward towards the castle like they are hypnotized. She wants eventually to be able to eat their skin.
Sunday, 1 March 2009
If I was made of germs I would focus real hard to the point where I could control the movement of the germs and have them form massive shapes so my body would no longer look like a human body. However. If I was filled with germs I would cut open my belly and watch the thick syrup of germs come seeping from the hole and it would look glittery like the trail a slug leaves behind as it trickled to the nearest drain or cracked floorboard.The first part of this post is the address for the new blog I made to represent my new 'publishing' 'venture'. It is called Bureau De Books and it is a project which I have undertaken with my landlord/colleague/co-conspirator and with which we intend to spread things we like, far and wide. So keep an eye on that for extra information.
The second part is a sample from a story I started writing. Sometimes I worry that I will never finish anything ever again or that if or when I do finish things, that they will not actually be 'finished', rather they will be things I am bored of and have decided that I do not want to work on them anymore and it is easier to say they are finished and just let them 'exist' regardless of quality. I think this is something I already do.
Tomorrow I am taking a late night coach journey to Paris. I hope it goes well.