Week

I have had a pretty good week actually and I am always suprised when that happens. I went to Dublin to not watch U2 and I also managed to survive my cabaret night.


I met Crispin Best and I think we are in love now. I'm not sure. If we got married we could both change our surnames to 'Beast'. I would like that. Crispin read this thing which I love. I want to write a play with Crispin Best and it could be like The Odd Couple but more boring and set in the future. We could get the Olsen twins to star. Crispin, if you read this, drop me a line yeah?

If anyone reads this and thinks they could come and do as good a job of reading something as Crispin did, then they should let me know.

It has occured to me that I haven't really posted anything interesting on here for a while. The following is not that interesting. It is a thing I started writing for a competition, then got bored of and didn't really finish. But here it is anyway.

Elizabeth was so in love with Randy Savage.
I mean, Randy was in love with her too but sometimes he didn't realise it. Sat in a cold dressing room and full of anger and frustration, Randy put on his shades and his hat and thought about all he had done.

Elizabeth just could not live with this 'new' Randy Savage, this villain, this 'Macho King' and she had been spending more and more time with Hulk Hogan. She felt safe with Hogan, at least in part because of his apparent lack of sex drive and also his ability to overcome most any situation he was faced with. He was a super man and even in the years she spent close at the hip of Randy Savage, she always admired Hogan's resolve and consistency, something Randy really seemed to lack.

Randy Savage stood up and looked at the mirror, straight through himself, and could see Sherri Martel in the doorway. "Come on Savage, you got a job to do." Sherri Martel, 'Sensational' Sherri Martel, had clung to Randy Savage like a
sour vine, wrapping herself tight around, pulling from him everything which had first inspired him to become a Superstar. He was starting to regret things.

i was on the radio on friday
i played a song and read a story by Crispin Best and said some other things
you can listen to it
http://www.bbc.co.uk/northamptonshire/entertainment/weekender/radio/

Prostitute

You have been waiting, I know. I said I would post yesterday but I did not, this is because I am both douche and lame.




This is what I was going to tell you all about


Let me introduce you to WINSTON ECHO. WINSTON ECHO is a 'character' I do. No, not a character, it is the name that I make music under. He is at least six years old and has acheived very very little. Sometimes it is fun being WINSTON ECHO and sometimes not as much fun. It is never difficult. He is quite famous.

This show is a chance for me to do something good. I know people. People who are good at things. And I would like for other people (who are not good at things) to be able to experience these things. If you can make it to Northampton you should maybe consider coming along. Here's what's happening.

• FILM by Rob Bidder (of Tea & Toast Band)
• COMEDIAN James Acaster
• Jurassic Park: THE MUSICAL
• A ukulele INSTRUCTIONAL VIDEO
• READING from Crispin Best
• and live music from a band called, INTERNET FOREVER

I refuse to link these things. Use google yeah, it's fucking easy.

I am doing an interview for the radio this afternoon and I am going to read something Crispin Best has written. I hope I don't sound like an idiot.

Dreams of Bruno

Last night I had a dream where I was evacuated from the Royal Albert Hall by Frank Bruno and he said to me amongst the crowd "you need to get out of here, it is not safe for you" and then I ran off and in the crush of people I saw a man's eyes and then I was stabbed, cut from hip to armpit up my left side and I was bleeding and touched the wound but didn't feel any pain.

I think this means I have concerns about the economy.

New thing up at Writers Bloc, it concerns Lil Wayne and is called 'Why I cannot listen to rap music and write at the same time'

Also, received the Pangur Ban Party print thing through the post. It is stapled like shit. DJ Berndt has lost all my respect. All of it.

Tomorrow is one week away from some big event that I am doing. I will do a post about it tomorrow though.

Happy Birthday Crispin Best

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CRISPIN BEST

I'm sorry I haven't I'm sorry I haven't a clue

I have a thing in the Panger Banger Print Party which DJ Berndt has put together. He is willing to send it out for free to people who want it. It is very limited. You should ask him nicely for a copy. Also give him a little kiss. The collection is called 'Doubts I Love'. The thing I have written is called 'People went to the hills but I stayed at home'.

Contributors to the "Doubts I Love":

Jillian Clark

Crispin Best

Chris East

Ryan Manning

David Fishkind

Kristen Shaw

Adam Showalter

Glen Binger

Adam Coates

DJ Berndt

Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown.
Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown.
Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown.
Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown.
Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown.
Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown.
Reading Charlie Brown. Reading Charlie Brown.

Just preordered Ben Brooks' book.
I feel a bit weird about it.
Like I might have to take the money back off him physically one day.
I mean.
I am sure it will be worth reading.
Maybe even great.
But maybe I will have to take action against him.
I don't want to.
But I will.

Maybe you should go and preorder it also and have a crisis similar to the one I am going through.

An open letter (no links)

Where do we go from here?

I feel like building a ladder so high that when it falls over and you are at the top you will crash into the earth at such a speed that you leave a crater the size of a supermarket carpark.

The question should not be "Where do we go from here?" but rather "Why the fuck should we bother?" and when you ask me that question I will give a small laugh then nudge you in the ribs with my elbow and say "You want we should take our shirts off and hug?"

Listening to mid-90s independant punk.

Planning a trip to Dublin and thinking "I hate it when people say things about how drinking Guiness in Dublin is awesome, as if I give a shit" but I will probably drink Guiness when I am in Dublin and I don't know how I will react. I think that if it as good as the hype then I will probably tear the skin off my forearm to find out once and for all if I am human or a Terminator. Seems like the only logical thing to do.

Do ghosts have sex? Do people have sex in heaven? Do people get to have sex with angels? Do angels have sex with eachother whilst dead people watch and nod their heads? If there is a really hot ghost in your room and you know it is a ghost but it looks really hot, would you have sex with it even though it is a ghost?

On the side of a new office building I want to paint the words 'you blew it' in 20foot high red letters. And dot the 'i' with a love heart.

How do I improve my signature? When a postman asks me to sign for a package I get really fucking embrassed by the scratchy mark I leave behind. Is it weird for me to think about girls and then spend an afternoon signing my first name followed by their surname?