Friday, 2 October 2009

3 QUESTIONS ABOUT A SHIT LIFE

Q
When you are lying face down in gravel and broken glass, should you open your mouth lick the ground?
A
Probably. It all depends on how you came to be and whether the Creator of The Universe has chosen this as your path. The ground will undoubtably taste sweet as the fruit which ripens and falls from trees and bushes and into the mouths of babes. I say yes.

Q
Where do you keep the truth and why is it not on display for all to see?
A
This question is without answer. There is no truth for you. You do not deserve truth. You do not work hard enough and you will never fulfill any of the potential you have been cursed with. You are a failure. Truth is for celebrities.

Q
When I bruise the bruise turns yellow. That shouldn't happen, right?
A
Yes. The bruise will and should turn yellow. If you were to peel away the skin to view the bruise eye-to-eye then you would see that the yellow is really a rich gold colour, and staring at it too long will make you lust for such riches. Do not stare. In fact, do not peel your skin away. In fact, be more careful, try not to bruise.

(QUESTIONS ABOUT LIFE AND SHIT is the name of a new book from Bureau De Books. You should go and order it because it is cheap but also very good.)

4 comments:

Jessica Maybury said...

I agree with question one. In its entirety. Christ on a cracker I can't spell today. Apologies. Anyway, I got my copy of Questions About Life in the post today! Thank you!

Ani Smith said...

I agree with all three questions! Where's MY copy, hmmm?

alle santiago said...

special!

Andrew Borgstrom said...

Got my copy today. This is the best shit I've had in my hands for awhile. Thanks!