Friday, 29 May 2009

I want to be a punk band

I am all alone as my housemates have gone to South America.
They have gone to Peru and in Peru guinea pigs are eaten.
This is because they breed in large numbers and can be reared in small urban spaces.
It seems like all countries should do this.
Apparently they taste like rabbit.

I went to a funfair on the weekend and rolled around in a large rotating carpeted tube.

Ryan Manning posted one of my poems on Cookiebomb.
I wonder what you have to do to get on the front page of Cookiebomb.
The poem is from the collection entitle IF I KILLED YOU SO WHAT?
As mentioned in the previous post, if you want to read this collection, email me.
Also, I am looking for 'a home' for this collection, if anyone would be interested in publishing it then we should talk yeah?
People who have read it tend to like it.
Maybe a 90% success rate.

We had a band and it was called Anguish Sandwich.
We did one show and we never play together anymore.
It was fun, I like being loud and obnoxious.
I want to be a punk band.

Sunday, 17 May 2009

if you die

I have been away this weekend
I went to the South Coast
I went to a cove
I went to the woods
I went to a tent
I went to a restaurant
I went to a pub
I walked
I was cold
I was lucky I did not get rained on

Last week I wrote 15 poems in one afternoon
They went with a 'theme'
And they are together as a book
The book is called 'IF I KILLED YOU SO WHAT?'
If anyone would like to read it then they could email me
And I would email it to them
(I think I may add more though)

Ani Smith read it and said this:-
Ani: here's what i thought
'this is cool
'there is a lot of stuff in chris's head'
23:50 'i love this'
'holy shit'
'yeah i feel weird saying pussy too'

Thursday, 14 May 2009

in the past hour I have written more than a dozen poems but what is a poem

I want you to jump
Off a fifty storey building
And I will have painted
On the inside of all the windows on the way down
How everyone thinks
That you are a massive disappointment

Monday, 11 May 2009


Over the weekend I read Mother Night

It has been sat on my shelf for some time and then I was reminded about it by someone last week so I decided to get on with it

I like it a lot

(I still think that Cat's Cradle is my favourite Vonnegut book but I haven't read everything, I don't know, whatever right?)

here are a few things that I thought during and after reading it:-

- You could easily convince someone to do something awful if you convinced them that they were being a spy. If someone said to me "Chris, this is a top secret mission, we need you to go undercover and collect important information on some bad guys. You have to work in a slaugherhouse picking up bits of brain with your hands for 3 years" then I would probably do it.

- Nazis are funny.

- Before the guy found out that the wife was really the wife's sister, I totally called that.

- If in 20 years time I am not writing anymore and someone comes across a hard drive with everything I have ever written on it and decides to pass it off as their own in attempt to acquire fame and noteriety then they would likely be unsuccessful. They would end up with low self-esteem and an inbox full of rejection.

- What am I ever going to write about? I mean, it doesn't seem like I have an original idea. I don't expect to be writing about these absurd and fantastical things Vonnegut does, but a bit of plot would be nice.

- I like reading books.

Wednesday, 6 May 2009



I want to write a story called 'Why i cannot write and listen to rap music and write at the same time.'
Don't anybody steal that title.
i'm gonna get round to it I swear.

Something I have 'written' was posted on Cookiebomb.
Go find it.

It is my birthday.
Whatevs yeah.

Saturday, 2 May 2009

re: On-line Dating

Mariana Soffer wrote a thing on her blog (which is great and makes me feel cleverer/stupider sometimes)

Meeting people over the internet is a phenomenon that scares me a little. A study was made to investigate why I am so scared of the internet and people on the internet.

Flirting online is much different to real life and still I do neither. Women do things like 'play with their hair' or 'roll their eyes' in real life and somehow there are corresponding online cues. Some kind of digital body language. That sounds dangerous and embarrassing. People use colons and semicolons and parentheses and the letter X and other punctuation as a substitute for words because perhaps spellcheck removes all romance. Acronyms are also used. 'PSEM' stands for 'please stop emailing me', and 'DYMKYHAW?' means 'does your mother know you have a webcam?'

I think maybe that women are more likely to post pictures of themselves online because men are more likely to want to look at pictures of women online. There is still that physical element to online relationships. No one wants to waste their time chatting on gchat with an ugly person so it is in the ugly person's best interest to be incredibly witty and to research and invent special new emoticons which no one will have ever seen before, like this one:-


According to studies, women like men who can use big words and do not use contracted spellings in web chat, such as 'u' instead of 'you' and 'ur' instead of 'you are' or 'your'. Women also prefer men with a high number of myspace friends as it suggests that they are not lonely stalkers.

I don't know.

Go read Mariana's thing.

Friday, 1 May 2009


i took this image from Ryan Manning in lieu of payment for advertising space
this is the advert
please go and look at
i'm not sure what it is just yet
but look anyway