Happy hardcore isn't quite as happy as you think

Lying in bed with wet hair listening to The Rebel and keeping a firm ear ready for insight that might help or just a vaguely racist reference or something else.

Sometimes I think that I would think the phrase 'I wish I was dead' more often if I was less self-conscious and more 'emo'.

People don't like it when you are emotional.

People don't like it when you are emotional, they find it difficult to empathise. I find it difficult not to be emotional.

Got legitimately kicked in the head a couple of weeks ago and now I feel a bit weird about walking down the street but also feel like a piece of shit for feeling that way. Don't want to feel like a piece of shit anymore.

I like to use the phrases 'I would rather puke into my own hands' and 'I would rather stab myself in the dick', but of the two I think I would rather do the puking one.

Thing about feeling really happy is that when you feel unhappy it just sucks that much more.

My desktop wallpaper for some reason is a field of cauliflowers. It looks a little bit like this but not really.

Stomach spins like a machine drum. Stretched beyond belief, beyond something else. Cowboy says 'I don't know where we've been', I say 'if you don't know no one else will'. Cowboy looks me in the eye and I start to think about the nightly noises from next door bringing feeling to my gut and my brain spins like a machine drum.
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Tattoo

Thinking I should probably get a tattoo of an anchor on my forearm or maybe something else. Maybe a heavy-breasted mermaid on my chest.

Other possible tattoos:
- something tribal to help pass myself off as a professional rugby player.
- generic east asian characters with uncertain translation.
- lyric from a song with vague emotional content.
- name of someone else.
- ironic logo/reference from an 80s children's television show.
- Nike 'swoosh'.
- 'love' and 'hate'
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Fireworks

Last night I saw a fireworks display and bonfire. I was outdoors and it was hot and cold at the same time.
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Toilet

I have often fantasised about walking the streets and adding a letter 'I' to the many 'To Let' signs posted against the buildings. It is ok to ask a waiter "excuse me, where is the men's toilet", by which I mean, you need not substitute the word 'toilet' for 'bathroom' or something similar, there should be no shame there. Every home should have at least one toilet. Once a house more than two toilets you can begin to assess the wealth of the owner of the house. One or two toilets is seen as a necessity today, whilst the higher the number of toilets the higher your economic value. It would probably be unnecessary to have more toilets than you have bedrooms, unless you are an office.
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Winter

It is currently still officially British Summer Time (BST). As of this weekend it will cease to be British Summer Time (BST) and will become Daylight Savings Time (DST), an hour difference. British Summer Time is different to British Summertime. British Summer Time is the way we use our clocks for a period of many months, whislt British Summertime is much more laid back.
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Pumpkin

I have never eaten pumpking in a form which could be recognisible as pumpkin, by which I mean I have never eaten 'pieces' or 'chunks' of pumpkin, only ever eating pumpkin in the liquid or pulped form of pumpkin soup. I think it is fair to say that pumpkin is a seasonal vegetable, perhaps the most seasonal of all vegetables if you can say one vegetable is more seasonal than any other, as to my mind there are no other vegetables with a comparable seasonal connection. Often at this time of year I see unusually large or overgrown pumpkins, grown to a size that no other vegetable is allowed. Occaisionally you may see a large marrow or root vegetable but really only in competitive marrow or root vegetable growing circles. Pumpkins seem to be quite affordable for the volume of fruit you receive.
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